Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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