Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
