She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Oh god it's open bar.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize