He asked to "fluff my boner.."
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
