apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize