what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
