In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
