I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
