There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
