Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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