thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
