Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
