Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
