Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have demons in me.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
