I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize