he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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