I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
