I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Vodka?
Forever.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
