So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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