i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
