were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
