My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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