I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
