It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
