So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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