I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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