she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
where are my eyebrows?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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