Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
