I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
