Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
