I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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