you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
