Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
