it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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