Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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