MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
