Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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