Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
