Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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