Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
