Got a toothbrush?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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