We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
