Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
