My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
