If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
