i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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