yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
