omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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