idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
