Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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