i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
