me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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