How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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