wat bout pragnant strippers??
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
