It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
