She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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