how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
