I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
