Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
