I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
