Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dignity is for republicans.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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