Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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