Can Purell be used as lube?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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