is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
