The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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