Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
