Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize