Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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