Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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