wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
