I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Boobs speak an international language.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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