remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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