Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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