Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
