piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
