I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
